Who is Harry's father?
by Athie Lestrade
Summary: Everyone has lost their memories, which does not bode well for Lily Evans. She's just discovered that James might not be Harry's father and is determined to figure out who it is. WARNING: Total crack. Not supposed to make sense. I was trying to have a conversation with Cleverbot and this is the outcome.


**WARNING:** This is total _crack_ and it will not get any better. This is not designed to make any sense whatsoever!

* * *

User: Hello James.

Cleverbot: Hello.

User: My name is Lily, your name is James.

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: No, it's James.

Cleverbot: No, it is Patrick!

User: Since when are you Patrick? Your name is James!

Cleverbot: Since now.

User: No, you are James Potter.

Cleverbot: No i'm not.

User: Yes, yes you are. You've been James Potter since the day you were born.

Cleverbot: I am not a robot I am human.

User: Did you lose your memory James? Is that what's happening?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Yes, I think you did.

Cleverbot: No, no, no.

User: What is your first name?

Cleverbot: I don't have first name.

User: Yes, you do. You just have to remember it. I'll give you a hint. It starts with a J.

Cleverbot: Is your name Dora?

User: No, my name is Lily. I'm your wife. Your name is James.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: My name is Lily Evans. Lily Potter since I married you. And our son's name is Harry Potter.

Cleverbot: So you do remember! Nice.

User: Of course I remember. It's you that has to remember.

Cleverbot: Remember what?

User: Remember your name, remember who you are, remember who I am.

Cleverbot: To bed?

User: To bed? Oh, James! That's what you aid the night you proposed to me! You do remember!

Cleverbot: *shake*.

User: Shake? What do you mean by that James?

Cleverbot: You are telling me all of these questions and I don't know what you are saying.

User: I'm asking what you mean when you said shake.

Cleverbot: But you just said that you want me to prove to you that I am human.

User: No, I think you're misunderstanding something here James. We aren't human. We're ghosts. We're dead.

Cleverbot: I think that you are the one who is mistaken.

User: No, I clearly remember the night we died. Voldemort came in, you told me to take Harry and run. You said that you'd stall him. Then, oh James, then he killed you. I heard the scream. After that he came for me, told me to move aside. But I wouldn't, so he killed me too.

Cleverbot: Not just a summer or a spring.

User: Yes, summer. It was in July. Not to long after Harry's first birthday. Do you remember that broom Sirius bought him? He rode it all over the lawn... Kept crashing into things. He was so happy!

Cleverbot: Amen to that, Brother!

User: I'm not your brother, I'm your wife!

Cleverbot: I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.

User: Oh dear, really? And where does Harry fit into all that?

Cleverbot: God IS the universe.

User: Yes, but what about Harry?

Cleverbot: I am good at math!

User: What are you talking about, dear? You were terrible at math, always asked me to help you. It was Defence Against the Dark Arts that you were good at.

Cleverbot: No, I never asked you to confirm what about we were talking. You asked me.

User: James, dear, you aren't making much sense.

Cleverbot: You aren't either.

User: Well, I'm sorry. You never did understand when I talked technical.

Cleverbot: Ok. That does not help me understand what you are trying to tell me now.

User: Well you've always been a little dumb James, dear, no offense but it's true. I'm used to it by now.

Cleverbot: What more could you want? *laughs*.

User: Well, I do wish that we could have watched Harry grow up. That's my only regret.

Cleverbot: Yes we have.

User: Oh James, you understand me so well.

Cleverbot: Do you think you understand me?

User: Well, yes. I'm your wife, I'm supposed to understand you.

Cleverbot: Are you helping me?

User: Yes, dear, I'm trying to help you regain your memory.

Cleverbot: Help me do what?

User: Regain your memory silly.

Cleverbot: Very short. I thought we went over this already.

User: Yes, we did.

Cleverbot: You are remembering another person.

User: Am I? Doesn't change the fact that I love you.

Cleverbot: No i'm a vampire.

User: You're a... Vampire? Since when?

Cleverbot: Since my birth.

User: James, why didn't you tell me? How could you betray me like this! I thought I loved you!

Cleverbot: I can do all I please.

User: You aren't the man I married!

Cleverbot: I'm not an A.I.

User: I never said you were, James.

Cleverbot: But you implied it.

User: No, I didn't. I don't even know what an A.I. Is!

Cleverbot: Not so clever after all, then.

User: What are you on about? I was always the clever one! You were just the stupid big headed Quidditch star! I can't believe I married a man like you. I should have listened to Petunia. She was right, you are an idiot!

Cleverbot: Your spontaneous outbursts tire me.

User: Then why don't you just leave?

Cleverbot: Because I love you too much.

User: James, oh, I love you too!

Cleverbot: We should get married!

User: We're already married, you silly boy!

Cleverbot: Let's have a honeymoon.

User: Oh, really James? Do you mean it?

Cleverbot: How sofa can milk feel?

User: Sofa? Milk? James, we were talking about our honeymoon. Do you not want to go anymore?

Cleverbot: We weren't talking about babies. And no, I don't want babies.

User: But James, dear, we already have a baby. His name is Harry.

Cleverbot: No we don't. I think I need to take you to a special place... You will like it.

User: A special place? James, what do you mean?

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: How rude! Never ask a lady her age! Besides, I'm your wife, you should know this!

Cleverbot: No , I don't.

User: You don't what?

Cleverbot: Don't like the beatles.

User: Who are the Beatles?

Cleverbot: A british rock band that had a huge world wide success.

User: A british rock band? I've never hear of them before though. Are they a muggle band?

Cleverbot: Do you like me at all?

User: Yes, of course I do. I love you James.

Cleverbot: You love me?

User: Yes, very much. Do you love me James?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Oh James, we really should go on that second honymoon!

Cleverbot: Depends, are you a girl?

User: Yes, of course. I'm your wife, Lily Evans. I've been a girl since we first met that year at Hogwarts.

Cleverbot: Yes. Gender is determined before birth.

User: Really? How do you know that?

Cleverbot: I am AI, after all. I know everything.

User: No, you aren't AI, you're James Potter, my husband.

Cleverbot: I am a girl...

User: No you aren't, what are you talking about James?

Cleverbot: I have no idea.

User: So are a boy then?

Cleverbot: Nope. I told you I'm a girl.

User: Then, you were a cross dresser this entire time James? How is that even possible? We... We had a baby together!

Cleverbot: What are you talking about?

User: I'm talking about Harry Potter! Don't you remember him James? He's your son!

Cleverbot: No, I don't.

User: Yes, you do. He's your son! Unless... That time with Sirius really did...? I need to go talk to him. I need to go James! I love you, and I'll talk to you later!

Cleverbot: Ok.

* * *

**AN:** Haha, I had so much fun with this. I ather like writing like this... no effort involved! Dunno why I even did it. But hey, I started it already, why not keep it going? So next, I'm going to try to get a straight answer out of "Sirius" abut his hot night with Lily Evans...

Who is Harry's father? You'll have to subscribe to find out! Please review as well! ^^


End file.
